What do lemons smell like?

You may think that the question in the title has no relevance. That I chose it to be arbitrary and some how witty. If only I were in all honesty. In fact, that question is something that I ask myself every day, hoping that one day I will find out the answer.


You see, I have no sense of smell. No, it’s not a joke. Again, if only it were. I’ve been devoid of it for fourteen years.

How did I lose it? Well, when I was 7, I contracted a disease called Glue Ear. Basically, it’s where poisons and such build in your ear drums and solidify. If it’s not caught in time then it makes people permanently deaf. So I had this operation to sort it out and since the ears, nose and throat are all connected, the surgeons had a look at everything else, just to see if I was ok there. Then they found that my adenoids were infected. The adenoids are at the back of the throat and they help you process smells and such. That’s why my voice is so deep for a girl. I had them removed.

It never used to bother me before - until someone bought me some Lemon Soufflé soap around October time - y’know the one that seems to be going around every supermarket in England. Since then, it’s the only soap I’ve been using. Every day, after a bath, I’ll ask myself what lemons smell like. If they even smell nice. Y’know, I don’t want to be rubbing myself with something that smells like shit y’know?

Sometimes I feel outcast from everyone else. Yeah, it’s not a proper disability but it’s one all the same. It’s not going to hinder my life in any way, except I won’t be able to smell gas leaks or if something’s on fire. Other than that, I’m more than capable of living an ordinary life. My friends know and my family know but they still forget. They’ll ask me to smell something and I’ll look at them, wondering if they’re actually being serious or just joking around. So I stay silent, maybe nod at them as if to say “you know I can’t”. Sometimes they pick up on it and apologise. Other times, I have to tell them again.

Not that it matters or anything, it’s not really something that obvious to people is it? I’m not going to wear a sign that says “Caution, I don’t work properly”. I’ve adopted the mentality that this is the imperfection that makes me perfect. There’s no way I can get it back and to be honest, I don’t think I want it. I can live in blissful ignorance as people cringe as the smell of sulphur and methane.

In a way, I really am a “Misfit Toy”… and you know what? I’m damn proud of that.